Bus Stop Adventures

So even though my blog is new, I have written a few rants in the form of emails to my friends. (Sorry, friends). Also, really things like this don't happen to me very often re: "events that warrant ranting emails", so I've dug this gem out of my archive:

Subject: Crazy Bitch

Some crazy woman yelled at me today at the school bus stop. What would provoke such a thing, you ask? Well, here is my story of terror and awe:

You see, there's only enough room for two cars in the lot right outside our "gate" at the bottom of the hill. This woman decided to take up as much room as she could without looking like a total douche when she saw that I was going to park next to her. (Of course, she WAS a douche, but that's farther along in the story.)

A few minutes after my son, and the other young boy I pick up, got to the car, they noticed a bug on the inside of the window. My son carefully opened the door so as NOT to hit the SUV, and I watched him stand between the SUV and the door while he swatted the bug away. Just after that, the woman moved her vehicle (finally) further away from my car.

OK, here it comes....

As soon as the high school bus showed up, she got out of her car and huffed over to my window. She started yelling about how my son had "FLUNG the door open" and hit her car. Whatev. She went on and on about how she paid for her car, and "I don't know, I guess you didn't pay for yours since you clearly don't care about damaging it!" WHAT?! I thought about the pod that had landed in my backyard and how my car had sprung from within it, but I didn't have the heart to tell her that that's REALLY where cars come from. Clearly, she's a hard working individual and must be acknowledged for her accomplishments. So I reminded her that there was a sign that I was parked right up next to which prevented me from parking further away from her. Her response, "I don't care! You could have parked up the hill!" To which I responded, "So could you." Then, and you're never gonna believe this, she says: "I WAS HERE (.59 seconds) BEFORE YOU!!!" FIRSTIES! She called FIRSTIES! Can you believe it?! No, that's something you do on the playground, or MAYBE when you only have 2 items in the checkout line at the grocery store and the person next to you has two cartfuls.

Anyway, I managed to snap a picture of her before I had to roll up my window from all the spittle. Tomorrow, I WILL CALL FIRSTIES! And if I'm lucky, KING OF THE HILL!!

Crazy beeyoch!